When a parent has been alienated he feels helpless most of the time. This leads to many other feelings. I constantly feel like I should be doing more than I am. Researching laws, writing motions, trying to figure out how to be with my kids more, or just how to make their life better. It often becomes so overwhelming that it is difficult to accomplish anything. Just writing this entry is difficult. Is this the best use of my time? This may have an impact long term, but I will achieve nothing in the short term.
Today I planned to do two things. First, I wanted to go to Pam Burtons office and demand my files, again. Secondly, I need to respond to my ex-wife’s lawyers email. I didn’t have the courage to do either. It’s not so much that I am scared, but the process just makes my stomach hurt. I can’t understand how these people can be so terrible. How can they not care that they are hurting innocent children? How do custody lawyers justify leveraging children for a profit? None of it makes sense to me. I don’t think that I want it too.
So, I put off these tasks until Monday. A new week with new challenges. As I put off things to another week, that means that something will have to give next week. I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want my children.
I have found it important to take breaks. One must be careful of taking a break for too long though. I think that I took too long of a break between the time I my children were taken from me, and the time I re-engaged. I have just decided on a new rule. Going forward I will not engage in these SAD tactics on Fridays. This way I have a better shot of enjoying my weekends. It is important to distract yourself from these harsh realities regularly, or you could lose your mind.
So, all of this to say, have a great weekend. I am going to try to enjoy mine as well.