The general public is ignorant of the injustices of family court. We make the assumption that dads and moms can be as active in their children’s life as they wish, so long as they are fit. So when they see an absent parent, they jump to the conclusion that he must be a deadbeat dad.
I am quickly learning that there are not as many deadbeat dads in the world as we are lead to believe. I will even offer that many deadbeat dads were made that way by unfair court processes and vengeful parents. We are systematically alienated dads.
Since my divorce I get asked all of the time “why didn’t you get joint custody?” I can see it in their eyes, they believe that I have done something wrong; something to deserve losing my children. These people are surprised when they learn that I do have joint custody. No evidence has been presented to the court to indicate that I am an unfit father, nor has it been suggested. Then why do you only have your children 10% of the year? Great question, I have been trying to figure that out myself.
Joint custody does not mean what most people believe that it means. Joint custody is not shared custody. It certainly is not equally shared custody. Joint custody implies, the farce, that both parents have a say in how the children are raised, where they live, school events, medical issues, and so forth. It is an illusion that the court is allowing both parents to be involved.
Let me ask you, how many updates do you think I have received on my children’s schooling from their mother? How many medical appointments has she shared with me? Does she tell me when my children are sick? The only way I ever find out about any of these issues is if a bill comes in the mail. Common sense dictates that it is impossible to play any real role in raising children from 2000 miles away.
I mention these complaints and people immediately say, you need to get a good lawyer. First of all, let me assure you, there are no good divorce lawyers. They all play the same game. They know how to game the system in order to maintain the status qou. Especially since my case is in a small town. They are all friends. The judge plays golf with most of them. All divorce lawyers are interested in, are billable hours. They do not care who wins and who loses. There should not be winners and losers in the first place. If someone wins, then there are more billable hours. I refuse to play this game. I played and I lost. Believe me when I say, it does not matter if I have a lawyer at this point. In reality, they are nothing more than glorified secretaries.
If it has crossed your mind that I may be a deadbeat dad; I am not, I promise. I am a systematically alienated dad. I was torn from my children’s lives by a rigged court system that operates to generate revenue for the state. If I am a systematically alienated dad, then perhaps she is a deadbeat mother.