SAD Attempt

When I arrived at work this morning at 0730, the very first thing I did was set my latest divorce file on my desk. For the last 2 hours I have been staring at it, or vice versa. I know that I need to go through it. See what is in there. Is there anything of substance? More importantly, I need to start writing some new motions. Fight the emotions and write the motions….yeah, even my humor sucks today. I lack the courage.

I guess after 3 years I am losing the will to fight. It all seems quite pointless. The most I can hope for are some minor changes. The more enlightened I become, by and about this process, the more I want nothing to do with it. I would be happy to see the entire system burn to the ground. I would be happy to see the judge hanged. I would be thrilled to see the lawyers, who are driving the pain of so many, locked away.

Yes, I am bitter. I am angry. At this point, I am really more defeated than anything. What do you do when the system that is supposed to be designed to protect you, has now become your worst enemy? What would you do if you received no justice, on any level, in over 3 years? Would you take matters into your own hands? If you enacted your own justice would you indeed be justified? Would it all be worth it?

Change comes slowly, I have been told repeatedly that I have to play the long game. Wait it out. The laws will change. She will screw up. Ok, when? I cant get this time back. My son is about to lose his first tooth. I should be chasing him with a hammer and a pair of pliers. I cannot wait.

I will open the file. Hopefully I will find something useful. I will write the motions. I will go to court. I will leave disappointed and angry. It’s a vicious cycle. Its a corrupt cycle. At some point we will be JUSTIFIED.

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