Pam Burton Update

To catch some of you up, I paid Pam Burton a $1500 retainer to write and present a Motion to Modify. She blew the retainer, and withdrew from my case. The judge did not even consult me. I have been trying for weeks to retrieve my case file from her, at minimum. I even filed a complaint with the Kansas Bar.

Today I walked into her office to demand my file. The secretary informed me that Pam has been on a medical leave of absence for at least two weeks. Never believe a lawyer, not even your own. I guess no one is monitoring her email? I told the secretary it was an urgent matter, and I needed the file this week. Pam’s assistant then informed the secretary that my file would be ready to pick up tomorrow any time after 10am.

I intend to retrieve the file, and then pursue the refund. This sort of deceit will not be tolerated.

I also received a letter from the Kansas Bar today notifying me that an investigation has been launched into this matter. I assume she will be off of the hook if I get the file tomorrow.

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The SAD Reality of Joint Custody

The general public is ignorant of the injustices of family court. We make the assumption that dads and moms can be as active in their children’s life as they wish, so long as they are fit. So when they see an absent parent, they jump to the conclusion that he must be a deadbeat dad.

I am quickly learning that there are not as many deadbeat dads in the world as we are lead to believe. I will even offer that many deadbeat dads were made that way by unfair court processes and vengeful parents. We are systematically alienated dads.

Since my divorce I get asked all of the time “why didn’t you get joint custody?” I can see it in their eyes, they believe that I have done something wrong; something to deserve losing my children. These people are surprised when they learn that I do have joint custody. No evidence has been presented to the court to indicate that I am an unfit father, nor has it been suggested. Then why do you only have your children 10% of the year? Great question, I have been trying to figure that out myself.

Joint custody does not mean what most people believe that it means. Joint custody is not shared custody. It certainly is not equally shared custody. Joint custody implies, the farce, that both parents have a say in how the children are raised, where they live, school events, medical issues, and so forth. It is an illusion that the court is allowing both parents to be involved.

Let me ask you, how many updates do you think I have received on my children’s schooling from their mother? How many medical appointments has she shared with me? Does she tell me when my children are sick? The only way I ever find out about any of these issues is if a bill comes in the mail. Common sense dictates that it is impossible to play any real role in raising children from 2000 miles away.

I mention these complaints and people immediately say, you need to get a good lawyer. First of all, let me assure you, there are no good divorce lawyers. They all play the same game. They know how to game the system in order to maintain the status qou. Especially since my case is in a small town. They are all friends. The judge plays golf with most of them. All divorce lawyers are interested in, are billable hours. They do not care who wins and who loses. There should not be winners and losers in the first place. If someone wins, then there are more billable hours. I refuse to play this game. I played and I lost. Believe me when I say, it does not matter if I have a lawyer at this point. In reality, they are nothing more than glorified secretaries.

If it has crossed your mind that I may be a deadbeat dad; I am not, I promise. I am a systematically alienated dad. I was torn from my children’s lives by a rigged court system that operates to generate revenue for the state. If I am a systematically alienated dad, then perhaps she is a deadbeat mother.

Family Court Judge The SAD King

You must feel quite powerful

Sitting up there on your throne

But with power comes responsibility

And your corruption must be known

 

Playing God with your orders

Pitting husbands against wives

All for the mighty dollar

You destroy children’s lives

 

You refuse simple logic

Or to do what is ethically right

Your misdeeds know no bounds

How do you sleep at night

 

Change is coming

What will you do

When there’s an equal presumption

And the parents can’t sue

 

We will end your tricks

We see through your lie

No more custody battles

Or motions to modify

 

We will stand together

Because we realize that the enemy is you

Without your impunity

There’s nothing you can do

 

We want our children

And we won’t give in

No one can lose

If no one can win

 

With equal parenting

There will be no fight

Kids need both parents

Do what is right.

 

You shouldn’t feel so powerful

Sitting up there on your throne

The corruption is coming to an end

Because the seeds of truth have been sown.

A Short SAD Story Daughters Diary Day 1 (Fiction)

I am 15 years old. I am fatherless. Well, not really, I have a dad. He lives in Kansas. I used to live in Kansas too, back when we were a family. When mom and dad split up she brought me and my brother to Oregon. We left my father all alone in Kansas. My mom wanted to be close to her family. I guess she didn’t ask if I wanted to be close to mine.

I see my dad a couple of times a year, and we skype pretty regularly. I like being and talking with him. He always says that I am the only person that he likes to talk too. He is kind of a hardass like that. I think that we are connected. I don’t really know what that means, but we always seem to understand each other. I miss him. I’ve missed him for a long time.

I guess that I didn’t mention this before when I said that I was 15 years old. Today is my birthday. Today is a significant day. I am now old enough to decide where I want to live. If only it were that easy.

From what you have read to this point, you probably assume that I want to live with my dad. You aren’t wrong. There are many other things to consider. My baby brother for one. How could I leave him here alone? It would destroy my mother if I left her. Just like it destroyed my dad I guess. I have cousins here now too. They are kind of weird, but they’re family. Grandpa died a few years ago. Everyone seems to have finally moved on. Except for Nana. Which is weird because they had been separated since before I was born. Nana is 76 years old. She’s batshit crazy. If I left she might go even crazier. It took a long time, but I actually have friends here too. I don’t have a boyfriend, much to my dads delight. My best friend, Sophie, would probably cry. I would probably cry.

I’m smart enough to understand now, the injustice that happened to my father. I want him to be happy. I want me to be happy too. Why does happiness have to be dependent on others? Why do I have make some people unhappy to make others happy? Why did it take 8 years for anyone to consider asking me what I wanted? So much has happened.

People think that I am making it up, but I still remember things that happened when I was an infant. I remember my first steps, and my first words. I also remember when I moved to Oregon. It was exciting. My mom had been building it up. We would get to see Nana and grandpa and my crazy aunt all of the time. I would get to play with my baby cousin. There are mountains and waterfalls. Lot’s of nature. I love nature. I was sold. I didn’t not understand that seeing much more of that family would mean barely seeing my dad. I thought that we would still see him plenty. I was wrong. It was wrong.

Once we got to Oregon, it was fun for a couple of months. Seeing and experiencing new things. My dad came to visit us and took us to the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Looking back, out of all of the adventure that I was promised the move would bring, the only truly exciting experiences I recall were when dad came to town. My dad is an adventurer like me. We love exploring new places and trying new things.

What should I do? What would you do? I am tired of making the best of everything. How can I be truly happy when I am forced to decide between my family all of the time? I will have to talk to the judge. I don’t want too. I hate him. I know it isn’t the same judge who created this mess, but it may as well be. Well, wish me luck, I’m going to celebrate by birthday.

SAD Snow Day

Hurray, you’d say

Daddy, it’s a snow day.

May we go outside

And play?

 

Of course, my dears

Absolutely, my loves

Don’t forget

Your caps and gloves.

 

We could build

A snowman, and an igloo

You would make snow angels

While I would throw snowballs at you.

 

Alas, the snow is just

An inconvenience now,

With no one to play with

I’ve lost my tao.

 

I hope there is someone there

Who will take you out to play.

You know I would if I could,

But you’re 2000 miles away.

 

Remember that every snowflake

That rosies your cheek,

Is a kiss from me

When things were not so bleak.

SAD Tactics

When a parent has been alienated he feels helpless most of the time. This leads to many other feelings. I constantly feel like I should be doing more than I am. Researching laws, writing motions, trying to figure out how to be with my kids more, or just how to make their life better. It often becomes so overwhelming that it is difficult to accomplish anything. Just writing this entry is difficult. Is this the best use of my time? This may have an impact long term, but I will achieve nothing in the short term.

Today I planned to do two things. First, I wanted to go to Pam Burtons office and demand my files, again. Secondly, I need to respond to my ex-wife’s lawyers email. I didn’t have the courage to do either. It’s not so much that I am scared, but the process just makes my stomach hurt. I can’t understand how these people can be so terrible. How can they not care that they are hurting innocent children? How do custody lawyers justify leveraging children for a profit? None of it makes sense to me. I don’t think that I want it too.

So, I put off these tasks until Monday. A new week with new challenges. As I put off things to another week, that means that something will have to give next week. I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want my children.

I have found it important to take breaks. One must be careful of taking a break for too long though. I think that I took too long of a break between the time I my children were taken from me, and the time I re-engaged. I have just decided on a new rule. Going forward I will not engage in these SAD tactics on Fridays. This way I have a better shot of enjoying my weekends. It is important to distract yourself from these harsh realities regularly, or you could lose your mind.

So, all of this to say, have a great weekend. I am going to try to enjoy mine as well.